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Topics - Phmode

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1
Fit one of these to your R or big K...

https://mailchi.mp/570041992cf1/unlock-adventure-this-black-friday-1914357?e=48b47467b3

...and customise your stuff till your eyes bleed; I can see one coming toward me now looking like a cross between an ice-cream van and an laser disco  >:(

2
The Euro K Club Lounge / For those biker globe-trotting execs out there...
« on: December 09, 2018, 06:19:42 pm »
Givi 'used' to make a 'carry-on' flight bag with wheels and a handle that fitted Monokey racks, but no more...

However, this might be the next best thing for those globe-trotting execs among you...

https://www.nippynormans.com/camping-travel/givi-trolley-base-for-givi-monokey-top-box

...and perhaps even for the weekly shopping haul.

3
Gripes, Bitches and Whinges! / F850 GS recall in US...
« on: December 09, 2018, 02:54:10 pm »

4
Kit Reviews / Oxford HotGrips
« on: December 05, 2018, 11:45:18 pm »
Not the sort of thing to adorn your K but for those other bikes lurking in your man-shed these might just be the best thing you could ever fit.

My wee Honda has many endearing features, go anywhere plodability, reasonable speed for a 250, good weather protection with the screen and the handguards and of course, legendary Honda reliability.

However, those handguards were made of ticky-tacky and were rapidly binned to be replaced by Barkbuster Jets with a solid, two-point fixing, aluminium backbone that will probably withstand a nuclear attack but they are not big enough to force the icy winter blast over the back of your hands, rather letting it hit them. Not cool; in fact bloody chilly. So, the first thing was to fit plastic spoilers to the top of the guards to effect better air-flow.

This was much better in the grim and grime but it is only when you sit behind a different set of bars that you realise just how amazing is the fairing on the K as it manages to chuck all that blast away from your pinkies, at least, on the S and GT.

I don't do wet and I don't do cold so I decided I needed some heated grips on the Honda, bearing in mind that I don't really know how to turn them on on the K.

I could have spent £80 on the latest Oxford UK-spec HotGrips with 9 heat settings(?) and waterproof, screw-together plugs and sockets. Or, I could spend £50 on the original grips with a mere(?) 5 settings and boring old non-weatherproof jobbies as found on old-fashioned Optimates.

So, I just spent a happy hour or so freezing my nuts off in my fog-bound man-cave ripping off the old, brand new grips and fitting the Oxfords. It was all going so well until that inevitable 'oh shit' moment but more of that anon...

The old grips came off with a Stanley knife and a quick tug and the left bar grip went on with the help of a few well aimed blows from my mallet. The twistgrip was another thing altogether.

Sure enough, just as the included Polish and German instructions warned, the twistgrip slider was replete with blobs and bobbles moulded into the outer surface. So, having spent an hour slicing and chiselling them all off, the right grip was ready to slip on. I slipped it half way on and then drizzled a little of the supplied Superglue on the inner end of the slider and inside the outer end of the HotGrip.

And here is the 'oh shit' moment...as I reached for the mallet to tap it into place, I realised that the superglue in the grip was, (because I am a twonk and had the bars on full left lock, meaning that the right bar was pointing UP) now dripping inexorably DOWN and to my horror coating not only the grip and the outer of the slider, but also oozing between the inside of the slider and the bar itself.

This was not a good thing!

In a second or two the grip was going to be welded half on and half off and the twistgrip would never, well, twist again. One hand grabbed the grip and began to work it open and closed manically while t'other bashed the grip on with the mallet. Open-closed-open-closed-open-closed etc. etc.

My third hand managed to unbolt the switch block and get the twistgrip off before the Superglue set like concrete, open-closed-open-closed etc. etc.

Another pot of tea and an hour with a half-round file inside the slider and some very rough sandpaper round the bar and it was all back to being a twisty twistgrip.

A handful of cable ties and bolting the fused leads across the battery (so, so simple) had the installation complete and ready for testing.

Wow! Wow, wow, wow! These heated grips are HOT.

They are thicker than the originals, by about the few millimetres thickness of the Grip Puppies I had on there before and so I haven't bothered to re-fit the foam padded covers but even so, there is a serious amount of heat coming from the Oxfords. My infra-red thermometer measured the lowest setting, marked as 30%, giving off 20 degrees of warmth and the maximum setting (100%, doh) being a pinkie-toasting 40 degrees, more than enough for me I am sure.

The totally sealed, bar-mounted controller has two raised buttons (so easy to find with cold fingers with gloves on in the dark), marked + and - . A single press of the + button makes the grips spring into life on the lowest setting with a green LED showing. A long press on the + button from 'off' brings the grips on at full with a nice warm red LED showing. The three mid-positions are 40, 50 and 75% respectively. A long press on the - button switches the unit off.

This controller has a couple of neat tricks up its insulated cable sleeve. Firstly, it has a second, separate, green LED in the centre of the unit which denotes when the controller is in Battery Saving Mode. This mode is user selectable (with a permanent memory so it stays in the mode you select even when off) and when it is ON it will turn the heat off if the battery voltage falls below 11.5v and back on again when it rises.

AND, miraculously, it also turns the unit off (well, into standby where it draws 76 micro-amps) after 2 minutes when there is no 'noise' on the 12v line; so, if you turn the bike off and forget to turn off the grips of if you leave the bike running to warm up the grips and it happens to stall. So, you either come back to an idling motor and toasty grips or cold grips but with your battery still in one piece.

Overall I am very pleased with the quality, fit and operation of the whole set up and am blown away by the heat produced.

Now I need to start carrying a fire extinguisher as well as the kitchen sink... ::)

5
The Euro K Club Lounge / GS-911
« on: November 24, 2018, 10:41:51 am »
Anyone thinking of investing or upgrading, here are the Black Friday deals from HE - 30% off on various models...

https://www.hexinnovate.com/shop/

6
The Euro K Club Lounge / Another nifty from Nippy...
« on: November 20, 2018, 09:13:45 pm »
Just spotted this nifty addition for those techies among you...

https://www.nippynormans.com/chargers-and-sockets/charging-and-sockets/dual-usb-socket-for-bmw-motorcycles-plug-and-play

...but I have no idea whether it fits the K12/13 series.

N.B. For the poor readers among us...this item is NOT a 'plug' that fits into (and often falls out of) the DIN socket like the others that Nippy sells. It is a replacement 'socket' that fits INSTEAD of the DIN socket and plugs directly into the loom! Like I said, nifty innit  8)

7
The Euro K Club Lounge / Why do car drivers pull over?
« on: November 16, 2018, 10:00:11 pm »
So, a couple of times in the past year or so since moving to parts rural, I have come up behind cars, (mostly being driven stupidly slowly) only to find that as I close in, they start acting really weirdly.

They move into the verge...
They slow down even more...
They start indicating left...(well, the clever ones do, the rest don't know where their indicator is)


In one memorable instance last week, the driver actually stopped.
I stopped behind him. He was on a blind, left hand bend. Eventually I was 'forced' to pull out and overtake, risking life and limb in the mad school run cum rush hour traffic.
 
As soon as I was past he pulled out in front of the car coming up behind and as we were now in the village speed limit he sat on my tail, clearly wondering why the lunatic biker who had come flying up behind him was now only doing 40mph. In a 40 limit.

200 yards later I indicate to turn right into the drive (the very reason I hadn't overtaken him earlier) and stop in the middle of the road while the entire Chinese race passes in the opposite direction.

He beeps his horn. I glance in my mirror. Only 137,234,457 more Chinese to go.

He sounds his horn rather aggressively. I shrug and give him my customary 'open palm, nonchalently tossing a tennis ball' sort of gesture.

He shouts something at me. I ignore him. Then, remembering the last time a German kept shouting and flashing his lights at me, half way down an Alp while I studiously ignored him, only to discover my keys were falling out of the lock in the flapping lid of my top box   ::), I flip my face plate and listen as he screams 'Why did you overtake me if you knew you were turning right!'

The temptation to get off the bike and headbutt him was almost too overpowering to resist.

I think I might need some sort of counselling for this...

9
The Euro K Club Lounge / Optimate 4 on Offer!
« on: October 30, 2018, 06:50:23 pm »

10
The Euro K Club Lounge / Indian summer or what?
« on: October 13, 2018, 07:43:44 pm »
Jeez folks...

Almost the middle of October and at half seven at night I'm sitting out in the garden basking in a lovely Scirocco blowing in from the south. 19 degrees and 100% cloud cover.

I'll drink to that  :D

11
K1200 / K1300 Forum / A K1300S owner's club ride out?
« on: October 08, 2018, 10:03:19 pm »
So, having turfed all the old tosh and twaddle off the K and got it MoT'd, we took it for a blast on Sunday into mid Wales; north to Leominster, west to Crossgates for coffee and (unfortunately) south for Builth, hung a left in Hay for a run through Whitney and a blast back through Hereford and home in time for tea.

I say 'unfortunately' south from Crossgates because north would have seen us on one of Tom's favourite roads, the stunningly fast and twisty A483 for Newtown. However, a late start after a late night following a school reunion in Manchester on Saturday meant we were chasing the daylight from the off. Still a good 90 mile run with Postman Pat on his new RNineT.

So, where were all the K13S's?

Well, most of those ever produced seemed to turn up at the Crossgates Service Station in the forty minutes we were there. There was an Orange one already there, another arrived as we chewed our coffee, then two Motorsports and an annivery dropped by followed by two Silver ones, the red flashes arriving a little later...

Any of you lot?

12
The Euro K Club Lounge / MoT test confusion...
« on: October 01, 2018, 09:00:27 pm »
Unless I've been hallucinating again (always a probability), I could swear that someone recently reported that the UK MoT test had changed such that a bike with an after-market HID kit fitted would be a test failure.

So, MoT due this month, found the bike under a pile of timber and old clothes and was about to set out to pop the incandescent bulbs back in but spotted a nail in my car tyre and got distracted.

Drove off to the local garage to get it checked out and while in there decided to book the bike in at the same time.

I asked the head tester about the change to the rules on HID's and he stared at me as if I were mad.

Well...

No change it appears. 'It doesn't matter what produces the light. As long as it lights up and the dip has a cut-off, that's all I care about!'

So, it's in on Thursday, still with the HID's snugly fitted.

So, was I hallucinating?

13
The Euro K Club Lounge / One for the tin boxers among us...
« on: September 21, 2018, 10:31:35 am »
'New 'Yellow Vulture' speed cameras can detect if you're on your mobile phone.
New "yellow vulture" speed cameras are being rolled out in the UK. Motorists pictured eating or smoking behind the wheel, or using their mobile phone, will be slapped with a £200 fine and 6 penalty points. Currently, the yellow vulture speed cameras have been set up along Gdynia Way, which leads into Plymouth city centre in Devon.'

This from the birminghammail.co.uk via this week's PocketGPSWorld newsletter.

Forewarned etc...

14
The Euro K Club Lounge / Flexible head, combination ratchet spanner set...
« on: September 10, 2018, 11:07:11 am »
Just popped into Aldi looking for something or other (which they didn't have) but found this useful and cheap set of five spanners for less than a tenner...

https://www.aldi.co.uk/5-piece-flexible-head-spanner-set/p/073787219195100

They look and feel reasonable quality and at the price I can even live with the odd selection of sizes...8, 10, 13, 15 & 17 mm.

Great for those dumb-ass jobs where you need right-angle fingers to get to things... ;D

15
Gripes, Bitches and Whinges! / Is it just me...?
« on: September 05, 2018, 09:33:46 pm »
I've just spent an hour ranting and raving at the haunted fish tank in the corner.

This is not unusual, it happens almost every time I turn the bloody thing on, which is why I don't do it very often.

My DVR had recorded 'Horizon: The dawn of the driverless car.'

I sat as passively as I would have to do in a driverless car and drank in all the guff the experts were spewing out.

Every single 'expert' or 'designer' started with the premise that people are not good at driving and are dying in their millions as a result.

The 'experts' decided that they should therefore spend billions of dollars not on making drivers better at driving (cos that would only cost millions of dollars after all), but rather on eliminating the driver from the car control equation.

What the fuck?

What the fuck happened to the generation of folks who loved learning to drive and then learned to love driving?

I absolutely love driving my car, riding my bike, even riding my push-bike, on wide open roads at the dead of night; on traffic clogged roads during the rush hour; on motorways; on my favourite twisty stuff; on roads I have never been on before.

The premise is that 'everyone' 'wants' to be driven by a machine. Now, call me Shirley and slap me sideways, but isn't that what 'public transport' was supposed to do. For way less than the development costs of driverless cars we could have a public transport system that worked. Everywhere!

I was screaming at the bloody screen 'What about those of us who enjoy driving!'.

Not one mention was made about the ability of a driverless car to 'overtake'. I have a feeling that 'overtaking' will be outlawed. 'Why are you in a hurry?'. Thankfully, none of this nonsense is going to bother me as it isn't going to happen in sleepy Herefordshire any time soon. After all, almost every other road user around here is on auto-pilot anyway...


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