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Matt:
Yes.

As you may recall, a bunch of us went off in June on David's Old Gits 2023 - Italy Lakes and Mountains. I variously kept a log/blog/diary/cry for help of my trip as we went, and as I stayed on after the Dolomites section and headed into the Balkans. Here are those words. I hope you're bored enough to read it, otherwise it'll just serve to help me remember what I did.

Day One

Our trip started from my house on Friday. Martin and Richard turned up - on time - and I duly forgot to give them the trip branded t-shirts that had been sent to me to take care of.

The first target was the channel tunnel near Folkestone. Unfortunately, as with so many places in the south, this required us to take the M25 and then the M20. Both of these motorways had enough traffic on to make it a less than relaxing start. In any case we arrived at the tunnel terminal in plenty of time, rode the circuitous entry roads and said hello to the French guy and bonjour to the English guy. We had our first new experience here too, being pulled into the customs inspection area. Thankfully this consisted of less than 5 minutes of some guys looking at and brushing the bikes for some assumedly drug sniffing machines. Next we joined the bike queue for the train, and sat behind an old fella for the next ten minutes who left his engine running, killing polar bears like there was no tomorrow.

The train under the sea was uneventful and thirty or so minutes later we rode off onto the right side of the road in a place the foreigners call France. It was nearly 4pm French time at this stage, but we only had to get to a town called Bethune for our first night, and this was about an hour or so away, so a relatively light introduction to French driving. It was a pleasant enough motorway ride with about 5% of the traffic we experienced earlier in the day on the UK side. 

Bethune is a small town a few miles north west of Lens. It feels like a good way into France until you zoom the map out and realise it's only about 5% of the way down the country. Our hotel, a new Ibis construction, was near the centre and secure and pleasant. We met a few of the wider group here and had a nice evening at a Mexican restaurant over the road.



Day Two

Saturday was always going to be the biggest day. The requirement was simply to get to our next hotel, Hotel Florimont, in the south of France, 20km or so south of Geneva. Over 470 miles. Sat on motorways for 90% of it. In the UK this would be agony, however as with our Friday afternoon ride in northern France the traffic was almost entirely very light. We set off around 0900 and got into the routine of riding for an hour or two, stopping for water/petrol/snacks, and continuing. All whilst obeying speed limits as we tried to work out what the cameras, radars etc look like in France. A fun law change in France means our Sat Navs would be breaking the law if they pointed out the speed cameras, so we only ever got notices of kilometre long patches where a camera 'might' await us. The mild annoyance of not knowing where the cameras are hiding was ameliorated however by the 130kph (80mph) speed limit, which feels much better than the UK 70mph.

Another somewhat more frustrating aspect of this ride was the fact all these motorways are toll roads. We'd been sensible sausages and bought little black boxes (Tags, or Telepasses) that would in theory be recognised by the magic at the toll booth and automatically charge us and open the gate. In theory. Each of us encountered at least one booth that day on the way onto/off a section that wouldn't recognise the little Tag device. Our fun conversations with the people at the end of the "Assistance" button were very enjoyable. In opposite land. Somehow though, they let us through and we finally dropped off the toll roads several hours later to enjoy our first country roads for the final 100km or so to the hotel.

Here we came across the most vivid watery bit at a dam, where we stopped for a break and variously hid in the shade as much as possible. As we got closer to our destination the scenery became more and more excellent.

Anyway, Saturday ended when we got to the hotel south of Annecy where most of the rest of the group had already arrived and had pizza on the way. Pizza was eaten, agonising 470 mile commutes were compared, and sleep came easily.





Day Three

This being the final commute stopover before our first destination, we were up and out before 9am. Martin, Richard and I took the route kindly created by David which was about 212 miles and set to take 6.5 hours before adding in lunch and other stops. This was also the first route that would bring us to some cols, or passes. The first one was Col du Meraillet and the first time I had to remember how to ride. Snow capped peaks and a nice lake were the eye foods to go with the great roads. The second col was shorter - and I am pretty sure this was the one I did a few years back when every other route was still closed with snow - and called Col du Petit-Saint-Bernard. More hairpins were the theme here but still a lot of fun and a nice twisty road back down to the east side. After this the route was pretty much just straight lining it to the hotel in Baveno on the west side of lake Maggiore. 

Hotel Rosa was a great place with friendly staff and most importantly air conditioning. Or maybe most important was bike parking. I forget as I was so hot. In the evening the three of us went for a walk and had dinner at a lovely little restaurant called Posta, complete with little piazza and view of the lake. Amusingly as we we walked over to have a look at the water after dinner I spotted a couple of bikes and my spidey senses said "that's Tom and Philip!" And then my voice parts said out loud "that's Tom and Philip!" And it turned out it was Tom and Philip. True story!

At a pass



Sorry Charlie, Piazza.


Friends!


It's got a lake.


There were a lot of painting of a guy that looks like he got in no end of trouble.



To be continued...

richtea:
Excellent. Better pictures than mine!

> We had our first new experience here too, being pulled into the customs inspection area. Thankfully this consisted of less than 5 minutes of some guys looking at and brushing the bikes for some assumedly drug sniffing machines.

Darn, I thought it was for firearms. As if. I mean where am I going to mount them?

black-k1:
Great start Matt.  I'm looking forward to the full trip report.  Please send me a copy and I'll post it up on the Old Gits site.

I think the wipe is likely to have been for firearms and/or explosives as Cliffy, who was City of London police bomb squad, used to have to be officially verified.  :D

Phmode:
It is indeed explosive stuff and decades ago I was wiped in the car at Eurotunnel about two days after I had been out shooting. Powder residue was found all over the steering wheel (and therefore on my hands) and in the boot. Luckily I had a few photos of the event in my phone as well as still having my shotgun certificate in the glove box. The guys were highly agitated in that way that proper police offers get highly agitated...icy cold, very professional and very polite. Luckily they didn't make me empty the car as we were packed for a month in le Lot. One younger tyke officer was a bit persistent about why I had my certificate with me if I wasn't carrying the shotgun but one of the more mature types led him away on some distraction errand and the other one told me to scarper. Apparently the residue can remain on well-washed hands for days and on softish surfaces like steering wheels for more than a week, assuming you never clean your steering wheel...

Apparently lots of shooting types who take their guns abroad also try to take lots of cartridges (which is/was verboten) cos they were cheaper in Uk and probably better quality than buying them at French shooting grounds.

Matt:
Day Four

Somewhere between our arrival the day before, and breakfast this day, we discussed and agreed our first actual 'rideout' to some passes. After a while all the passes seem to blend together in one's mind, so what follows is my best guess at the route we took. It was a roughly 220 mile day and again about 5 and a half hours before breaks. We started after breakfast by heading north west on some main boring roads to get to the Simplon Pass. This was our first run into Switzerland and I duly rode slower than a goose for the run up to the twisty roads. We stopped here for our first coffee and pastry. We were one of the earlier cool dudes, but more arrived shortly after. We continued on round a town called Brig and north east up a road that got better and better, eventually taking us to Furka Pass. 

However! Before the Furka Pass we turned left and went via about a dozen hairpins right up the Grimsel Pass! This was a short run but at the top we discovered an incredible viewing area, showing off an impressive dam. This was one of two days we had a bit of rain, although other than a bit of drizzle making the nearby roads slightly greasy, it had no impact on our ride. 

More hairpins and there goes Furka Pass. Next was St Gotthard Pass, lots of fun roads! We pulled over at a spot called 'Punto Panoramico San Gottardo' for a break and photos. There was an incredible view of either Airolo or Quinto. A town. Having completed our list of passes we headed south on boring roads which eventually took us along the west side of lake Maggiore heading south to the hotel.

It's a big ass lake and a long ass road, and some way along here we realised we'd got into the rush hour traffic. Thankfully Richard bopped us into a little cafe where we spent an hour or so enjoying the local coffee and snacks and young lady asking us for English words such as 'sparkling'. This was referring to water, not my eyes. By about 7pm the traffic had gone and we set off. I think this was the first time we (or maybe just for me, the others being better at the biking thing!) started to actively 'do as the locals do' and make progress in 50kph zones. It's quite satisfying keeping up with a filtering scooter when you're on a laden wide arse litre plus bike!

Ok. Back to the hotel, shower and walk into town. This time we bumped into a couple of our group enjoying dinner at a place called Fratelli Rosso dal 1981. Down a tiny narrow alley but looking lovely, so we went in and got a table. This was good food and being the resident poncy person I insisted on some slightly more expensive wine which I'm sure everyone enjoyed (just as much as the cheap wine but shush)! After this we may have bumped into the larger group and had more drinks but i'm not sure. We often bumped into the larger group and had more drinks!

I mean if you need me to tell you where this is we've got bigger problems.



Grimsel dam.


It's not what it looks like.


That strangely named viewing area on the way down.


Day Five

Richard has wisely suggested a day off the bike for himself, and I limpeted my way along with him. Meanwhile Martin - just as wisely! - suggested he ride yesterday's route the other way round. I believe he had a nice time and didn't die even once.

Meanwhile Richard and I took a little boat to some islands in order to stimulate the local economy. First we wizzed over to Isola Madre which is about 3/5ths of the way to the other side of this little bit of the lake. On it were some gardens and a rich family's house. It was either here or the next one that I had a Cornetto. This is worth mentioning because it was about twice the size of your UK 'export' Cornetto! Stock up, travellers. The second island we got to by lake bus boat because we missed our little boat. This was Isola Bella and had a much larger house we went inside of, full of old stuff and high ceilings. There was also a little village type thing going on with food and clothes and gift shops etc littered around. It was here I got my hat that I'm certain everybody thinks makes me look like not at all an idiot but a cool dude. We also had lunch at some weird music themed cafe called Lemontree. Nice enough. We got back on our little boat, didn't bother getting off to explore Isola Superiore because ugh, and headed back to the hotel.

I then had a little walk into the town and somehow met the larger group and had more drinks, before meeting Rich and Martin and going back to Posta for dinner. I think it was this night I went to the little DIY shop opposite the hotel and got an adapter plug so that I could charge my electric toothbrush. Spoiler alert: It was a piece of poop and broke before I got chance to use it.

The hotel is there somewhere.


Godzilla!!!


I believe this one is called 'Richard's Lament - The Price of Bikes' :D.


Watery bits.


Day Six

Onwards to the next hotel! This time all the way east to a decent altitude (which means cooler better temperatures) town/village called Fondo and a hotel called Lady Maria. The town was lovely, the hotel was acceptable. Note to self: the guy was dodgy. 

The ride there was mostly boring. The trouble with northern Italy is it is the most industrialised part. It also has the great mountains but to get to them you generally end up passing through an Italian version of Slough. And about 10 times as long. 

After we cleared Maggiore though we headed cross country and had our first mid morning/lunch stop at a pass/place called Culmine di San Pietro. I believe others in our group stopped here too, a little before us. There was a St. Bernard dog with signs saying don't pet him. I had a lovely bit of pasta and i believe chips were also involved.

The section we took over the north of Milan was the Slough part. Eventually we got out of this and took San Marco Pass for some fun, followed by more boring roads, followed by Mortirolo Pass, followed by more boring roads and finally Fondo. Dinner was at the hotel and some sort of buffet followed by set menu type affair. It contained calories, I believe.

Dog.


Restaurant.


Bikes yay!


To be continued...

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